I get up a few times a night for the last three years to pee. That's pretty much a sign that you've reached old age. But that didn't depress me either.
Yes, and I've had that colonoscopy. It's a bit embarrassing to go through (not the colonoscopy itself, for which I was under general anesthesia as Dave Barry noted below, but for the prerequisite doctor's exam in the office, which is... don't ask!), but not the end of the world.
I've got a tire around the middle, the sagging skin, I can't run a layup, I get winded after a flight of stairs, I have taken high blood pressure medication, I have bi-focals, when I pick up a stray ball on my lawn, the neighbor's kid says, "Thanks, Gramps," etc., etc., etc. none of which pleases me, and none of which really upsets me.
But I came home screaming and crying last week.
The barber - without even asking - trimmed my eyebrows!
I don't even understand how the hell that happened! What would make them grow normally for 56 years and then in my 57th year, cause them to grow like weeds so suddenly, that - for the first time in my life! - they would need to be trimmed?! And it was so obvious that my brows were growing out of control, that the barber didn't EVEN ASK ME IF I WANTED THEM TRIMMED! He just took a comb to them and
I think it was the was most painful cut since my bris (circumcision)!
I admit that I suffer from/enjoy a lot a bit of "Peter Pan syndrome." Not the full-fledged version where an adult male, say, in his 30's never gets a job, can never commit to a serious relationship with a woman and never moves out of his parents home. I more or less have the version where I'm married, have kids and grandkids, have a job, but love to go on a carousel - even if I'm not with my grandkids. My motto is, "I may grow old, but I'll never grow up."
But I never anticipated getting my brows trimmed. I'm gonna have to rethink this growing old thing.
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