On Plaxico Buress, Michael Vick and Jayson Williams, et al: How to Cure a Headline-Grabbing "National" Illness

When those "lucky" enough to survive the Holocaust were liberated, most of their bodies were emaciated, looking like skeltons hung in some Biology lab. Many had not had more than a bite of dried old bread and a sip of water each day, for months or even years.

Upon liberation the well-intentioned allied armies - looking at these horrible ghosts - opened their hearts and offered whatever food they had to those poor souls. Some, too weak to feed themselves, were fed slowly and regained their health. Others who were not to weak to feed themselves, indulged themselves slowly and revived.

But there were others who could not resist the temptation to gorge themselves, to eat a lot and try to make up a bit for the years of deprivation. Many of those, sadly, ate themselves sick and died. The irony: Hitler's torture and food deprivation didn't kill them; the allies kindness and generosity did.

What does this have to do with the sad state today of the numerous sports stars finding themselves in trouble with the law, with drugs, with guns, with animal cruelty? Everything.

Most of these stars, not just African-Americans, but White-Caucasian and Hispanic, come from destitute families, difficult, if not broken, homes, run-down neighborhoods, and all of a sudden they find themselves with millions of dollars, adored by millions of fans and told by their agents that they are supermen, worth even more and More and MORE. They'd been groomed and raised on the dream that their ticket out of poverty was professional sports. (Forget that only a handful of those who have the dream actually make it and there are millions who dream the dream but never realize it. Their plight is a whole 'nother story.) Like the Holocaust survivors, they suddenly exit from a life of deprivation through a door leading them to a feast, a table where everything they could ever desire - big homes, expensive cars, fast women, bling, guns, drugs, etc. - is available to them. Although they know that this income will not be coming in forever, on the day they receive their first big check of 10 or 20 million dollars they know that no matter what they buy, THEY CANNOT SPEND IT ALL! There is always more money and more money and more money than they can possibly spend.

And this gets them into all sorts of trouble.

In 1935 a child actor star, Jackie Coogan, came of age. He turned 21. He had earned in his career until then, which started at the age of 3, a remarkable, if not astounding, sum of $4 million. When he turned 21 he had found out, however, that his mother and stepfather had spent most of his money on heroin and cocaine. What was left was a paltry $252,000 of which the court awarded him, after a lengthy legal battle, half or $126,000.

But his legacy was the "Coogan Bill," an act of the California legislature, designed to protect the interests of child actors.

This country needs a "Plaxico Burress-Michael Vick-Jayson Williams, et al, Bill."

Here's what it should contain:

1. Any NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB player earning more than $3 million a year must hire a personal valet to be his companion and watchdog at all time. He must be with him 24 hours a day. Hire unemployed social workers and give them a respectable salary - say, $100,000/year plus expenses - train him to be able to detect deception, drug use, etc. There will be guidelines, of course, as to what is allowed and what is not allowed. And a way of reporting problems to a higher level central commision sitting in the commissioner's office of each sport to intervene when the valet cannot control the situation.

2. All their money must be managed by a FIRM of money managers that guarantees the safety of the money left with them, and doles it out, like an allowance, for specific needs and purchases, and will make the purchases themselves, paying the vendors directly. Monies will be invested for retirement after sports so that they will have what to live on, rather than burn it all off in the few years they are making it. The sports star will still be able to buy a house for himself, and another for his momma, and cars, etc., but will not have so much walking around money that he can easily score as much cocaine as he wants, or to buy guns, or fighting dogs.

(The reason for a firm, rather than an individual money manager is that too many of these celebrities - sports, Hollywood, recording stars - hire individuals whom they trust only to find that they were wiped out by their money managers. These money managers, with degrees and certifications, often find that although they are making, say, $250,000/year on salary and commissions, their greed and the temptation of "borrowing" $10 or $20 million is too great. Even a smart guy, like Barry Manilow, who was the single most popular singer of the 1970's and 1980's, woke up one day in the 1990's to find himself completely broke.)

Clearly, this is what is needed, and makes sense, in order to save these ballplayers from themselves. Had such an act been in place, adopted by the major sports and their unions, (along with drug testing,) at least two of the three (if not all three of the) stars in the name of the bill would not be in jail or facing jail time, nor would they find themselves heading back to the poverty they came from. (Vick is already destitute and Burress is heading there.)

Of course, such an act will never be put in place. The leagues themselves don't have the guts, and even if they did, the unions would block it. And then there's the ACLU and civil rights. You can't force an adult the way you can a child. And these stars, despite their horribly childish and immature behavior, are over 21.

And I think there are many adults - in the leagues' head offices, among the journalists and certainly among the fans - who have a perverse sort of glee when these stories come out. As much as the average fan doesn't want to see the Giants lose their shot at the Super Bowl because of Burress' shooting himself in the thigh, there is a sense of envy by the pure slob who is barely eeking out a living and paying his mortgage, of these stars who are getting paid obscene sums of money to PLAY A GAME!, for God's sake! A GAME I PLAY ON SUNDAY FOR FREE! I think many fans, simply because of their envy, actually relish these stories of guys who had it all and blew it all.

But until the league, unions, players, fans, journalists, etc. change their attitudes, we'll be seeing more headlines of the Burress, Vick and Williams-type, I'm afraid. And, in the end, that is just terribly sad.